Exhaustion

Training session numero two this morning .... holy crap.

I'm exhausted.

So the skinny is that we are focusing on muscle strength endurance - and mine to date - well it pretty much sucks. Good news is that my core strength and flexibility are very good - thank you bikram yoga. So we are starting in the area that needs the most work.

It's more than the workout ... Monday morning startup - 4 voicemails, texts and missed calls before 9am - follow up investor presentation at 9:30am - sms gateway was down over the weekend - production studio needs attention - production scripts need attention - new people in the office need tending to - developers need answers to questions so they can estimate feature costs. Feedback comes in from board members - needs to be addressed.

I juggle.

All Day Long.

And when I walk to the BART to go home I can barely make it to the platform wishing someone other than me was gonna make my dinner. Salmon and broccoli.

I realized recently that as oldest kid in my family and well a bunch of other factors I tend to relate to other people through my responsibility to them. This lines me up for responsibility and accountability. It's a double edged sword that's been cutting me up lately mostly cause I don't wanna relate this way anymore; but it's what I've known and done and is habit.

It's been interesting as I work to change this people get pissy with me - as is common when people make changes - 'hey! you're not acting the way i've come to expect!'. Well, yeah, get over it.

Burning Man was so good for me - so much permission to indulge and let go of responsibility. I'd give a lot for one night on my own on the playa, bike in tow - dance floors everywhere. Ahhhhhhh - so divine. No one cares if you're alone or with a heap of friends.